Guilty TV

I often wonder about TV surfing habits, what motivates my choices, and what people would think if they knew how bad my taste can be. Here are my Top Ten Guilty TV Pleasures--you know, shows I don't make a point of watching, but if they're on and I'm surfing for something I'll stop.

10) Re-runs of sitcoms I never watched initially, like The Nanny or The Fresh Prince: Typically I won't watch an entire episode of these shows, but I'll linger briefly over Fran Drescher's short skirts. Also, I watched a good 10 minutes of The Fresh Prince last night--an awesome episode where an over-taxed Will buys speed and Carlton takes some by mistake and ODs!

9) World's Most Dangerous Police Chases One of those insipid, mindless shows I just can't help watching. People doing stupid shit and wrecking stuff--vastly entertaining. Also--blooper shows with funny home videos or weather disasters (Real TV or Max eXtreme). Cha gets furious when I watch this.

8) Elimidate A terrible show, but I'm interested in the contestants because I have a hard time accepting that such people actually exist. Cha hates when I watch this.

7) I Love the '70s/'80s/'90s These VH-1 forums for D-level "celebrities" and washed-ups are great time-suckers. Listening to Carmen Electra, Dave Navarro, Carrot Top and WB actors opine about the importance of Max Headroom? Precious.

6) Blind Date A more sophisticated, ironic and cynical city cousin to country cousin ElimiDate. I find the little animations and text-on-screen messages mysteriously appealing. Cha can't stand this.

5) Ellen Like The View meets Conan O'Brian. Eating an orange and drinking coffee and just finished reading the paper, too lazy to read something before work at 1pm? Ellen.

4) Soul Train This show is never on anymore but when I stumble upon it I'll watch for a while. The reasons are obvious--pure T&A. I used to watch it every afternoon after school when I was a tiny tot. My taste in women was powerfully impacted, though the really lame lip-synching grates my nerves.

3) Any Discovery Channel/History Channel special about Egypt, the Mayans, the Aztecs, archeological mysteries, archeoastronomy, early Church history, war (in particular WW2), the Romans, the Greeks, etc. This stuff drives Cha crazy, particularly when I say I met the person talking--guys like John Dominic Crossan or John Krakauer.

2) Antiques Roadshow Some episodes I've seen three times. Why the fuck do I watch it? I'm fascinated by this bizarre subculture, by people who know exotic details about porcelain duck figurines and 18th century American writing desks. Cha loves this, and often weeps in joy when people get good news about the value of their flea market beer steins. (an aside--Cha also weeps at The Price is Right, Sylvan Learning commercials, and The Simpsons episode where Homer arranges Maggie's pictures to cover certain letters on his wall at work, leaving the message "Do it for her" exposed).

Tied with Pimp My Ride, which is a good-natured show and again about something I'm wholly uninterested in--cars, but the premise is appealing.

My current number one time-wasting show?

1) Most Extreme Elimination Challenge A Japanese gameshow with ridiculous and dangerous contests over-dubbed in English by randy Americans? Can't beat it! Cha used to get positively apoplectic when I watched this, now she tolerates it because it made her laugh a couple times (I was watching it once and they overdub insipid and bawdy comments when the contestants are about to do their thing, and they had one woman say "I hate it when the toilet doesn't flush all the way" with a triumphant fist-pump and Cha found that so amusing she laughed for an hour). I can't really watch the entire episodes, but I like to watch Kenny Blankenship's Most Painful Eliminations of the Day--again, people doing stupid stuff and getting hurt is funny.