Sunday, February 13, 2005

Guilty TV

I often wonder about TV surfing habits, what motivates my choices, and what people would think if they knew how bad my taste can be. Here are my Top Ten Guilty TV Pleasures--you know, shows I don't make a point of watching, but if they're on and I'm surfing for something I'll stop.

10) Re-runs of sitcoms I never watched initially, like The Nanny or The Fresh Prince: Typically I won't watch an entire episode of these shows, but I'll linger briefly over Fran Drescher's short skirts. Also, I watched a good 10 minutes of The Fresh Prince last night--an awesome episode where an over-taxed Will buys speed and Carlton takes some by mistake and ODs!

9) World's Most Dangerous Police Chases One of those insipid, mindless shows I just can't help watching. People doing stupid shit and wrecking stuff--vastly entertaining. Also--blooper shows with funny home videos or weather disasters (Real TV or Max eXtreme). Cha gets furious when I watch this.

8) Elimidate A terrible show, but I'm interested in the contestants because I have a hard time accepting that such people actually exist. Cha hates when I watch this.

7) I Love the '70s/'80s/'90s These VH-1 forums for D-level "celebrities" and washed-ups are great time-suckers. Listening to Carmen Electra, Dave Navarro, Carrot Top and WB actors opine about the importance of Max Headroom? Precious.

6) Blind Date A more sophisticated, ironic and cynical city cousin to country cousin ElimiDate. I find the little animations and text-on-screen messages mysteriously appealing. Cha can't stand this.

5) Ellen Like The View meets Conan O'Brian. Eating an orange and drinking coffee and just finished reading the paper, too lazy to read something before work at 1pm? Ellen.

4) Soul Train This show is never on anymore but when I stumble upon it I'll watch for a while. The reasons are obvious--pure T&A. I used to watch it every afternoon after school when I was a tiny tot. My taste in women was powerfully impacted, though the really lame lip-synching grates my nerves.

3) Any Discovery Channel/History Channel special about Egypt, the Mayans, the Aztecs, archeological mysteries, archeoastronomy, early Church history, war (in particular WW2), the Romans, the Greeks, etc. This stuff drives Cha crazy, particularly when I say I met the person talking--guys like John Dominic Crossan or John Krakauer.

2) Antiques Roadshow Some episodes I've seen three times. Why the fuck do I watch it? I'm fascinated by this bizarre subculture, by people who know exotic details about porcelain duck figurines and 18th century American writing desks. Cha loves this, and often weeps in joy when people get good news about the value of their flea market beer steins. (an aside--Cha also weeps at The Price is Right, Sylvan Learning commercials, and The Simpsons episode where Homer arranges Maggie's pictures to cover certain letters on his wall at work, leaving the message "Do it for her" exposed).

Tied with Pimp My Ride, which is a good-natured show and again about something I'm wholly uninterested in--cars, but the premise is appealing.

My current number one time-wasting show?

1) Most Extreme Elimination Challenge A Japanese gameshow with ridiculous and dangerous contests over-dubbed in English by randy Americans? Can't beat it! Cha used to get positively apoplectic when I watched this, now she tolerates it because it made her laugh a couple times (I was watching it once and they overdub insipid and bawdy comments when the contestants are about to do their thing, and they had one woman say "I hate it when the toilet doesn't flush all the way" with a triumphant fist-pump and Cha found that so amusing she laughed for an hour). I can't really watch the entire episodes, but I like to watch Kenny Blankenship's Most Painful Eliminations of the Day--again, people doing stupid stuff and getting hurt is funny.

15 comments:

Nick said...

I think now I understand why we get along so well. Is Most extreme elimination challenge on regular TV?

Yeah, Carlton doing the "Running Man" dance on speed, I remember that one.

Crayon Shinchan

Geoff said...

So far as I know MXC is only on Spike TV.

I thoroughly enjoyed that Crayon Shinchan--"Daddy are you staring at this?"

Nick said...

Well I'll just continue to watch dvds and tapes then, damn. What a loser to only have regular TV. Funnily enough I haven't watched any TV for months except for the Tonight show the monday after Carson died and snippets of sat. morning cartoons. Your post gave me withdrawl.

Crayon Shinchan is the best.

Fave america's home video (besides every Bob Saget joke)-- one where a man is running a relay race and his cowboy hat blows off of his head and lands square on the head of the runner behind him.

Geoff said...

Technically we don't have cable either, but our reception is so bad we pay 10 bucks a month to have the broadcast channels cabled in and they keep giving us cable for months at a time to try and get us hooked.

We've had it basically free for more than half the last 3 years.

I forgot to list:

Animal Planet shows about rescued pets.

I saw a montage on AFV the other night of people jumping on shit and falling down on their heads--that's quality TV.

Anonymous said...

I have all the same guilty pleasures.
Only, now that I'm home, I also watch a lot of Dr. Phil, and Oprah.
I am so ashamed.

Mostly, though, I watch them to yell at them. I yell at Oprah the most, because she is full of hypocrisy.

Geoff said...

Ha--when we don't have freely granted Comcast I watch those shows too (when I'm home at that time).

Oprah is a peculiar case--I want to admire some things about her but often can't. Dr. Phil I think is the single most dreadful blowhard I've ever watched on TV, and as a result he's totally entertaining. I'd love to see someone tell him to fuck off on his show, or say "Heal thyself, fatso!"

Soon your trash TV will be Sesame Street, Barney, Arthur, etc. :-)

Nick said...

Hey, hey, hey-- Arthur is not trash TV!!!

The Grammys, last night, anyone? Soul Train got a lifetime achievement award. Don Cornelius was in the audience.

Geoff said...

Didn't see a single second of The Grammys last night. I've wasted enough time with awards shows--the ultimate trash TV--and will watch no more.

Nick said...

It IS the ultimate trash TV and I will always be on it like Oprah on a baked ham.

Or is the Ultimate...
Joker's Wild
The Price Is Right
Jeopardy
Family Feud
The Newlywed Game (In the butt...)
Million Dollar Pyramid

???

Geoff said...

Funny--I watched some Newlywed and Price is Right today before work.

Q: How many times in the last week did you make whoopee, and for how long in total minutes?

(His)A: 10 times for 300 minutes!

(Her)A: 10 times for 30 minutes.

Geoff said...

Were I an undergrand Sociology student I'd get a group of 20 people to watch taped episodes of Elimidate and have them make snap judgments about the contestants as they're introduced, and then compare the results amongst the group members, and then have each contestant judged as the show goes on--gender differences, age differences, education differences, race and class distinctions in the audience could be tracked to find interesting trends I'm sure! Elimidate is primarily interesting to me because I find myself judging the contestants based on a variety of cues--looks, style, speech, interests--all those things we overedumacated lefties are never supposed to do.

I can NEVER, once I've seen part of an episode, not at least flip back later to find out who "wins." It drives me crazy if I surf somewhere else and forget to go back and miss the end.

Nick said...

They need to get on the Thin Slice tip!!! Which, of course I know hardly anything about since I just read about it this morning. Coincidence? I think not! I read a review of the book in New Scientist which is an excellent periodical.

Geoff said...

I saw that dude on Charlie Rose and thought it was fucking-A cool, but then forgot all about it 'n shit.

I know a little bit about a lot and just fumble through life.

Nick said...

Ah, who wants to be so sure about anything anyway? Takes all the fun out. I'm gonna go Thin-slice some Ellsworth Kelly...yeah, right! I'll stick with my gut instinct and Charles Brown wishy-washy demeanor...

Geoff said...

Ellsworth Kelly, home slice.