I don't know what prompted me to cancel class today, but on Tuesday I told my 102 kids that I had an "unavoidable appointment" Thursday, and there would be no 8am English class. What a brilliant idea. I stayed up until 2am and watched Conan for the first time in ages. I fell asleep on the couch and woke up at 4, went to bed, and slept like a stone until after 11am. I haven't slept so soundly in--years? Wonderful. I think I could have slept even longer were I so inclined. Must be the fabulous cool weather.
Because I crashed downstairs initially I left my glasses on the coffee table and couldn't find them this morning. Cha's two pair are on the dining room table and mine are gone, meaning that she took mine to work with her this morning. Oh, well. She'll figure it out if she has to work on the computer.
Cha's hosting a Green Party meeting at our place Sunday while I'm at work. When she told me I groaned, but didn't have the heart to tell her why. I'm happy to support the earnest efforts of local folks who want to change the world, and have done some work myself with these (mostly wonderful) idealists. They can, however, be frightful mooches. Here's an example: last time they came over (about a month ago) I'd just bought a couple six packs of a nice imported Heffe Weissen and put them in the 'fridge. Those cheap ass Green muthafuckas brought a 12-pack of Natural Light(cans) with them, drank my good beer, and left me their worthless pisswater that I'll never drink. They've done this several times. I've come home after (or during) a Green meeting to find my Guiness drunk, or my Boddington's, or my (X brand) microbrew--while whatever abysmal skunked shit from the sale rack that some earnest progressive bought ends up staying. I now have almost two cases of canned shit beer in the bottom of my 'fridge (Busch Light, Rolling Rock, Bud) because of this bait-'n-switch. ALL of these events are "potluck," meaning bring a plate to share, and these Green bastards will bring a bag of chips or pretzels and then will eat all my organic salad from the market, all my cheese, all my fresh baked bread, all my fruit, my humous, and often they'll take my pasta and sauce and cook it, and then they'll eat the eggrolls Cha makes. So these get-togethers cost us like $50-$100 each time, and they usually clean out the food I've bought which is supposed to be lunch and dinner for us for a week, and to make things worse, the fuckers will often take their (unopened) chips home with them when they go. Sometimes they open my wine--and somehow they never open an $8-$10 bottle, but will find the $20 or $25 bottle, and they'll drink my single malt and leave me a pocket bottle of Ol' Grandad or Wild Turkey for thanks. Bastards. I'm going to kill them.
Of course I'm exagerrating. Not really.
7 comments:
What the hell is that all about? I'd kill them too. That sounds like college roomate shennanigans, those rotten little screwballs. You need to buy an old fridge and hide it down in the basement. You can stash your choice items there!
In my old house we had an antique one that my dad got from somewhere, it was beautiful. We kept corn from the garden in it during the summer and his homemade beer in it year 'round.
I'm really reluctant to say anything because I believe in sharing and fully expect that when we have guests that my shit is their shit. BUT, these aren't actually 'guests,' they're at our house for a specific purpose (not to socialize or hang out), and Cha has Filipina hostess genes which require that she feed them to an extreme; I'm the one who buys groceries for us, so I get cleaned out during these shindigs.
I don't want two 'fridges--there's only two of us, and our electricity bill is high enough! I definitely SHOULD buy some .99 Ragu sauce instead of 6.99 homemade organic sauce so we're not spoiling these jerks.
Sure, sure, but it sounds like someone with champagne taste is zeroing on on the good stuff--and like you said, you're not inviting them over for a dinner party!
Owning multiple refrigeration units is just a little pipe dream of mine. One day I will have a huge chest freezer out in the utility room...
Side note--what the fuck kind of brand name is Ragu anyway? That's like calling themselves Meat Sauce. Come buy Meat Sauce meat sauce--now on sale!!!
My crazy lady maternal gramma had three refrigerators and two freezers--she'd laboriously bag and freeze stuff from the garden every year (the stuff she couldn't can in Bally Jars). They'd also stuff these units with venison and beef and chicken and pies and whatnot.
Of course that's why my gramma and grampa together weighed as much as a Chevy van.
Bwaaaaaaah. Thats the kinda post I like. A nice crawl-up-in-the-sorting-bin rant, with waves of hate aimed at deserving victims. What warms my heart is that you will most certainly continue to allow these cheap fucks access to your pricey beers and fresh foods, because then you are controlling their behavior, and you will have the luxury of contempt.
Splendid, splendid stuff.
But, but it's Mozart!
Disclaimer: My Mama only had one fridge and one freezer chest. And both are slim.
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