Wednesday, June 08, 2005

The Beam in Thine Own

I was watching some shitty TV late last night (Blind Date? MXC?) and I saw a commercial for the new Smaller Hummer. I won't go into details, but I had an elaborate revenge fantasy about panicked Hummer drivers climbing on top of their vehicles as rising sea levels washed over their towns and villages. This fantasy was very satisfying.

Then, I felt a bit guilty about allowing my Shadow such free play. How awful of me to take pleasure at the thought of others suffering, no matter how selfish and narrow-minded they might be. I wonder if this is why Evangelicism is so hot? Perhaps American Christianity is not about love or peace or forgiveness or humility (you know, that boring stuff Jesus suggested we do), but about superiority and revenge. Maybe some Fundies get off on the idea that people like me will suffer torment after the Rapture and through all eternity. The idea that Satan will ride me with a Jeff Stryker strap-on sans lube for a few millenia, as fireants feed on my scorched pubes and the various albums by American Idol contestants blare from Beelzebub's pimped-out CD deck--this must make them as happy as my Hummer driver revenge fantasy made me.

Before I quit Borders I would occasionally read chunks of the Left Behind series at the Info Desk for kicks; some of the passages in the last volume (Glorious Appearing)are downright Mengel-esque in their barbarous cruelty.

Of course I don't mean to say all Fundies are merely getting off on their moral superiority, but I think there's sufficient evidence to warrant investigation...

BTW--I want to capitalize on the Evangelical book market by writing porn for fundamentalist Christians. Really hot stuff in the style of those monstrous comic tracts I used to read at church as a kid where the protagonist's decisions end up taking him down the wrong path to Hell, except at the end we find out it was all a fantasy or a dream and the protagonist is saved by the Blood of the Lamb after all. So we can have young teens tempted by treacherous bodily desires, then describe in loving detail their sordid debaucheries, and at the end "oh, it was all a sick fantasy I had before I sat down to study Leviticus." I'm going to call it the From Behind series.