Monday, October 03, 2005

The New Pets

Our aquarium experiment was going so well that we decided to add new fish: Leviathan the fat goldfish was occasionally bullied by Polly the blood parrot, but Leviathan--being a remarkably contented soul--didn't seem to mind that the fish Cha chose would sometimes punch him in the side. He'd continue eating gravel and spitting it out and swimming in his lazy fatass way around the tank perimeter.

On Saturday I told Cha I was off to select a new fish, thinking I'd get another goldfish or two to fill out our 30-gallon display. She said "I only choose stinky mean pets, so you go alone," but then as I was leaving she got too excited and decided to come along.

Bad idea. I chose three small tetras--one pink, one white, and one blue. They're perfectly nice schooling fish who refuse to molest the others. She for some reason chose another very tiny parrot fish, this one a Jellybean parrot. It is cute, but...

By Sunday afternoon this small monster had eaten half of Leviathan's tail. The poor guy is such an exemplification of non-violent principles, and exhibits such joyous participation in the sorrows of the world that I began to wonder if pets can achieve enlightenment (this story suggests the answer is yes). While being nipped and poked he simply continued mouthing the rocks on the bottom of the tank, occasionally pausing to kiss the forehead of the small Ganesh statuette we keep in there. All Cha's second selection does is chase Polly, chase the tetras, and attempt to kill my beloved Leviathan, so we removed the goldfish to a new 10-gallon tank (we should have done so anyway) that he now inhabits with a fatter, lazier, more elaborate black friend. They push the glass beads and gravel around together all day in their separate home as the Jellybean tries to catch his tankmates, all of whom are too fast for him.

Now Cha's brother is offering us a free 50-gallon tank with all the trimmings that his friend has been trying to pawn off on him for a year. Oh, goodness. I think we're going to take it, but I'm choosing all the fish from now on.

Meanwhile, Dangerbird is starting to be less hateful.