Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Henry the VIIIth I am I am



So last Friday my right big toe started hurting like it was all banged up and twisted. I couldn't move the joint at all and anytime the toe touched anything (including sheets or pillows) I felt a sharp, nigh unbearable pain. At school I was hobbling around like a club-foot trying to chase teenage boys. Saturday the pain got worse, and I started wondering what the hell I did. I had no memory of smashing or twisting or straining my toe, and could not account for this peculiar recurring injury. The same pain had happened for a day or two about three months back.

Then it hit me. Doc H at my last physical had said my uric acid levels were elevated, so I figure I'm suffering one of the many family curses passed down through my maternal blood line: gout.

Shit is no joke. Toe pain is one of my least favorite sensations, and this shit is throbbing constantly, and has been for four days. I haven't had a sip of booze since Friday because beer and red-wine are the worst for gout, and I have drunk ten glasses or more of water a day hoping to flush my system but the shit still gnaws away. Today I woke up and my left foot was starting to hurt also. Nothing helps: ice, hot soaks with salt, Tiger Balm, Ben Gay, Formula 451, crack, crystal meth, smack, mescalin.

I don't even eat rich foods or a lot of meat--I've inherited my elevated uric acid levels, thank you very much DNA. Tiny needle-shaped crystals form in your joints. AND, as an added bonus, there's the likelihood of kidney stones and eventual crippling recurrences. Great.

Why couldn't I get an attack of gout AFTER Thanksgiving? I can't get through the holidays without booze.

4 comments:

Dan said...

I feel your pain - well, not today, but in the larger sense. Gout sucks! Is it possible that you got a bit dehydrated or ate some of the veggies that contain purines (eg broccoli)? The list of high purine foods looks like something created by a psychotic.

I've been taking alopurinol, which helps prevent attacks. However, if you forget and double dose, you get an attack. D'oh!

Nyarlathotep said...

Dehydration is possible. Particularly given an increased red wine absorption rate of late.

I'd like to avoid meds--I hear from an uncle that they have some major side effects. But pain like this has got to go.

Anonymous said...

Came here to wish you a happy Thanksgiving and I see this--sorry to hear about it. Still, hope you get over it in time and keep that mess under control. See what Hartig has in his bag for you...take care--Nick

Nyarlathotep said...

Makes that long hobble from the parking lot at Notre Dame to Gibbons Hall a little bit more challenging!

You guys flying West or South? If so (or not) have a good one. Eat rich foods in creamy dressings and lots of butter.