Netflixed

According to this film, if Elizabeth I hadn't gone ages without an orgasm, Spain would have easily conquered England as expected. Because she's got a big wood on for Clive Owen which goes unreciprocated, however, the Virgin Queen sends forth a howling wind from her empty womb to punish the invaders.

Needless to say, I didn't like it much, though Elizabeth: The Golden Age has its moments, and some wicked cool costumes.