It took me a while to get cheese and crackers because there were FOUR AISLES OF CRACKERS. It was hard even to "see" the individual varieties as the mind shut down at the overwhelming array of colors and box-front images of crackers spilled out with cheese cubes, spreads, confections, olives. I was as flummoxed as the narrator of Borges' "The Library of Babel" at the immensity and infinitude of packages. Paralyzed by choices, unable to process the information available to make decisions, I eventually just grabbed a couple varieties at random and hit the cheese counter blindly as well. I likely brought some weird ass thyme, dried tomato, and truffle resin biscuits made from prehistoric grains.
Quarantine in the digital age has a similar effect. Even on days when I'm working from home, I still have more time to entertain myself than typically is the case during the school year. No outdoor exercise, no trips to the beach or the shops (or extremely limited trips to the shops), no commute, no restaurants, bars, etc. And though I've managed to get a few time-fillers to consistency--push-ups and barbell exercises, tai chi, Rosetta Stone lessons in Spanish and Tagalog...a bit of blogging again, guitar playing--I am having some trouble with the amount of choice the digital age offers when I'm filling the rest of my time.
I'm about, for example, to finish the two books I'm currently reading. I have more reading time lately than typical, and I'm thinking "What should I read next?" There are a couple Henry James novels I've not yet read, and I have the Complete Henry James on Kindle for .99 cents. But look--they also have the Complete William Dean Howells--I loved Silas Lapham! Oh, look the Complete Edith Wharton. Jesus, I only read a couple novellas by her and always meant to take the plunge. What the hell should I read? I never read Anna Karenina, and wow they have all the Tolstoy. It's hard to pick when there is SO MUCH TO PICK. And oh yeah there are those 300 free Met art books I downloaded last year...
Same with film. I can rent or stream pretty much any art house or foreign film I missed in the past and always wanted to see. I can get any schlocky horror film or any documentary about any topic. Because I have access to pretty much everything, I end up watching nothing because I can't choose. There are a few Zhang Yimou films I've not wept over yet...but there are also gaps in classic Italian and French film I'd like to close. But maybe I should re-watch Tarkovsky? Or Kurosawa? Arrgh.
Adding to the curse are the online course offerings: Harvard's free Buddhism course, and UPenn's free Greek and Roman Mythology course both sound grand. They don't offer credits toward MD State Teacher re-Certification, alas. But they sound cool. And there are SO MANY I can't just pick one.
I think of my Dad saying "Shit or get off the pot" when I get like this.
All the while I'm trying to decide what to pick to read, to watch, or the learn about, I'm listening to music streaming my entire iTunes library which consists of all the CDs I ever bought uploaded over the years and which runs the gamut from Perotin to Kendrick Lamar.
Of course, when you can't decide about something to do then you fill time with somewhat less intellectual pursuits, the most easily available of which is porn. But oh my goodness what porn do you pick? There are so many genres and sub-genres and sub-categories of kink and scenario and race and size and age and...
And yes, this post comes from a place of substantial privilege. Many don't have access to any of these things, and are stuck at home, in situations not dissimilar to those who experienced the last great global pandemic. Having too many options to learn and entertain oneself surely beats having few or none. Or, having to work with the likelihood of exposure.
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